boy_crazy888 (boy_crazy888) wrote,
boy_crazy888
boy_crazy888

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drama and depression

okay 3 words: I"M FED UP!! i'm just fucking fed up with everyhting....wtf?!?!? i'm so depressed.....like it's just not funny how unhappy i am....

this amanda and drew shit is just wtf....he doesn't even realize anymore that's it not even about him....it's between me and her about me and her......she fucked up......but i BLAME MYSELF for giving her his number....i saw it coming and i knew better....i knew waaaaaaaaaaay better....she's sitting there talking about "i care about drew and all you do is get in the way of our relationship" and then she tells me that she wants to make it work.....but three strikes (1- Phil, 2- Rory, 3- Drew) and your out....like she just doesn't get it...and if i say okay and make up it's like i'm fine with what she did......and i'm not!!!!! but i don't like drama so i might just say sorry......i said sorry to drew....cuz honestly he just got caught up in a wicked explosive cat fight....and it really had nothing to do with him......but i cant be cool with someone who does that to me.....i don't care what her intentions were at first......look at where they are now!!! wtf?!??!?!?! just fuck it.......

and then jeff......ugh.......he doesn't wanna relationship cuz he "doesn't have any fun" but yet he fucking says he wants to have sex with me....yeah i dunno about that one.....it just sucks.....

and just i'm fed up with not having a boyfriend......look at how happy ashlinn is......look at how happy you are girly!! well, minus his friends, but still....i deserve that just as much as you!!! not meaning that in a smart way, but you catch my drift....and then i look at laura and she has a boyfriend and she doesn't even want him....i just don't get it!!!! the guys i want, i cant have.....and there's a few on my list that i want so bad that i just i can't have.....and it just sucks....i'm fucking sick of waiting....nobody fucking understands.......holy fuck i'm so ugly and i have this habit of fucking scaring guys away....i fucking know i'm ugly, i know i'm a loser, i know that i'm too forward.....but other than the last thing....theres nothing i can do!!!! just fuck it NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!!!!!!

ps- i had a lot of fun playing badmitton in gym today...hey look i just smiled!!!
pss- jeff just called me and called me a loser and i just broke.....i started crying....but he called me while i was doing this and just yeah....i started crying....
ppss- jeff thinks i'm crying cuz of him.....conceited much?
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